By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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