its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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