dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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