i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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