i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
