I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
