im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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