Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
