Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
