new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
