Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
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I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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