im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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