I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
