so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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