yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
