I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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