and you said cock pushups were impossible
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
