Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
