Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
