My nipple is on Facebook.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.