Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
