True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
