don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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