We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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