Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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