Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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