I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
