I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
me + whiskey = a bad person
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
A bitchslap is in order.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
