omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
