GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
