the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
