my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
