Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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