Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
