he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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