Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
