i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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