He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
