i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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