Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
