I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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