He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
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