so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
