I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
