I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
