if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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