I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
