at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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