Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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