And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
