So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
