I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
