If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
