I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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