pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
