can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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