now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
