how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
