Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
