I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
