just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
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You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
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I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize