I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
