I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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