I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's always time for handjobs
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
