I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
