He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
They took my balls.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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