fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
