I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
