I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
