I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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