Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
