that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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