Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
