In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
