R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
