TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
