Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
