If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
