so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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