you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
that may or may not have been my penis.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
