Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
we should paint friendship bongs
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
