i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
