I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
