A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
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Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
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You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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