You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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